I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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