You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
