I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
