genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just sent this text using only my big toe
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
