Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
