It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
