I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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