when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
