Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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