i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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