i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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