Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
