there's paper in my vomit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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