One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
