Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
one might say we're banned from that church
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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