I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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