the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
