on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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