idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
