I will die if light touches me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
