This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
