do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
