I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
