North Korea, Best Korea!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
