found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
