Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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