Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
