dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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