OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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