wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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