His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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