Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
