I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
