At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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