Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
