With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
