Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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