No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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