: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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