oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
