an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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