Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
