So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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