Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
