i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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