Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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