And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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