Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
