You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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