maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
