in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
