i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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